Opportunity or Flirtation
There’s an exhaustion that comes from constantly wondering whether you’re being valued for your work or your body. For women, especially in creative industries, opportunity can often feel like they come with an implication. Compliments double as propositions. Respect and desire blur. It’s almost like the only way forward is through performance - not of your talent, but of your femininity.
From my experiences, men behave like attraction is transactional - if they like you, they should try to get you. I like spaces of unspoken admiration. I see you, appreciate, maybe even daydream a little and leave it at that. It doesn’t need to turn into a mission. Why can’t a crush just exist without needing to be pursued?
This isn’t about dating (not that type of blog). The way we treat attraction spills into so many other areas of life, especially for women. It’s no secret that in creative industries and really most industries, women’s opportunities are often tied to how desirable we are rather than just pure talent. It’s not that talented women don’t get ahead, it’s that talent alone doesn’t always open doors. When a man finds you attractive, that can be enough for him to offer an opportunity, a platform, a foot in the door. As a consequence, there is always the lingering question - Did she get this because she’s good, or does someone just want her around? Meanwhile, for men, talent is almost always assumed to be the main qualifier. No one challenges whether a man is in a room because he “earned it”.
This is something I’ve always been aware of in my own career. Though I haven’t been able to avoid these situations completely, keeping my sexuality private has limited them. (Un?)fortunately, it’s also meant missing out on the “easy” opportunities. While attraction can open doors, it also creates limitations when I refuse to play along. When my presence in a space is dependent on someone’s desire for me, what happens when that desire fades or is rejected? I think about how often men in creative industries - photographers, designers, directors - are able to be messy, rough around the edges and still be respected for their genius, meanwhile, women are expected to be polished because it’s not just their work that’s being evaluated, it’s their presence itself.
It’s also worth noting that these dynamics are a reflection of heteronormative spaces, regardless, it’s not about policing desire, it’s about recognising when it overshadows respect. As a Backstage Director and Product Stylist, my current roles are in entirely women-led spaces. That shift has been transformative because there is no need to entangle my sexuality with my skills just to be seen or heard. There’s a freedom in that - the freedom to make mistakes, to grow, to challenge myself without the constant pressure to appear desirable while doing it. In these spaces, I get to just show up and do my job: my value isn’t wrapped in anyone’s perception of me, it’s anchored in what I bring to the table.
That clarity has made me more confident, more focused and honestly, more proud. I respect the work it took me to earn these positions and I no longer question whether I belong. I know I do. I trust my talent.
