Living Quietly in a Loud City

I moved to New York fully expecting the Fashion industry to humble me. No degree, no connections, a handful of retail jobs… I was prepared for the climb to be slow and competitive. Turns out, the real challenge was learning to make my own social blueprint as the least “New York” person alive. I wasn’t ready for how out of place I’d feel socially - not just because I’m awkward (really f*cking awkward), but because I don’t do things that seem required to make friends in this city. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t brunch. I don’t even like concerts.

In New York, entire relationships seem to form over overpriced cocktails, smoke sessions or blurry nights at some LES or Bushwick venue. Not participating in that lifestyle makes you feel like an outsider - fast. It’s like you’re not really living here unless you’re constantly overstimulated and caffeinated. Declining invites to the latest Soho pop-up or rooftop drinks isn’t me being standoffish, those things just don’t bring me joy. I have no desire to be intoxicated for fun and I’ve never been the friend to hang out just to eat. New York culture shock: I’m not here for the food. Unfortunately, when these are the main ways people connect (even network), it’s easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong. What am I doing here? Do I need to bend a little - say yes more? Every time I’ve tried to compromise, I felt further from myself. I felt more drained, more disconnected and more distracted from the life I want to build in New York.

I won’t lie, it’s isolating at first but makes sense as time goes on. The truth is, my joy lives in structure, active mornings, creative flow and solo adventures. It’s boring - not really - and it’s working. I have more energy, more clarity and more time to invest in building a life I actually enjoy. That’s not something I’m willing to trade for social validation over overpriced pasta. New York will try to convince you that you need to play a certain game to “belong” but the longer I live here, the more I’ve doubled down on who I am. It’s funny how in a city that prides itself on individuality, there’s still an unspoken pressure to perform a very specific kind of freedom - social, indulgent and performative. I didn’t move to the city to play pretend. I came here to grow, to create and to build and I’m doing that, day by day, in my own way.

So no, I’m not out every weekend. I don’t have a favourite cocktail bar or a go-to coffee order but, I do have a vision that feels aligned with who I am. It’s my idea of what “living in New York” should look like. It’s not the norm but I promise, it’s still fun!

Personality Guide: Things That Make Me Happy, Dream Life Journal extract